Friendship, a precious gift
Friendship is the family you choose
Hey, friend, how are you?
Friendship, to me, is truly one of the most important things in life. Besides my family, of course—my lovely Ingrid and the kids with their partners—I’m so lucky to have a whole bunch of friends. We see each other regularly, or I just give them a call. “Hey, my dear friend, how are you doing?” I’ll ask. Over the years, I’ve realized how important it is to have true friends. You don’t have to see each other every week; sometimes a long time passes between catchups. But that doesn’t matter, because they’re always there. Always. And I am for them.
Friendship is also a theme you can find in the Bible. Think of Abraham, who was called a friend of God, or of David and Jonathan, whose friendship remained inseparable throughout the years.
Loyal through thick and thin
Loyalty is one of the most important characteristics of a friendship. That you support each other, through thick and thin. A true friend won’t abandon you, even when life is tough. Proverbs 17:17 already says it: “A friend is always there, and a brother is born to help in times of need.” The friendship between David and Jonathan is the perfect example of this. Jonathan remained loyal to David, even when his own father, King Saul, was trying to kill David. Jonathan helped David escape and protected him, no matter what. When a friend is struggling, no matter the reason, you’re there for them. Even if you have to drive for an hour, it’s no trouble at all. That’s just what friends do.
But friendship is also about honesty. True friends aren’t afraid to show their hearts. Sometimes that means you must have difficult conversations. A deep friendship is built on truth, no matter how painful it can sometimes be. This wisdom is also found in Proverbs 27:6: “Wounds from a friend are honest, but kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” When the prophet Nathan confronted King David about his sins with Bathsheba, he acted as a true friend. He spoke that difficult truth, purely out of love and concern for David’s well-being. My experience is that difficult subjects or painful situations should be discussed among friends, inside or outside the church. It strengthens the bond, requires a lot of wisdom and sometimes patience, but it usually deepens the connection. It makes a friendship more honest. This also applies to me, especially within a marriage, but also in friendships; you have to be able to take a hit. It is not always fun, but sometimes necessary.
The art of forgiveness
Nobody’s perfect, so even between friends, things can get a little rocky sometimes. Differences of opinion, moments when you just don’t understand each other. The question then becomes: do you just let it go, or are you willing to reach out to the other person again? Forgiveness is a crucial part of this. Giving forgiveness is essential to maintaining a healthy and long-lasting friendship. Giving forgiveness but also receiving it. Having the courage to admit: I was wrong, will you forgive me? As we read in Colossians 3:13: “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you have a grievance against someone else. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”
Perhaps you’ve heard the saying that friends come and go, just like the seasons of a year. Can you compare it to the parts of a tree? There are three kinds of people who cross your path in this life.
The leaf-friends
The leaf people, to start. They blow in like the autumn wind. They hang around for a while, make some noise, and before you know it, they’re gone. Just like leaves that fall at the first frost. You can’t rely on them, because they’re mostly in it for themselves. They take what they can get and are gone as soon as it suits them. You often see it with famous people, artists, or athletes. They are surrounded by figures who just ride on their success, fame, or money. As soon as there are problems, or when their fame fades, these ‘friends’ are nowhere to be found. Their friendship was empty, like a leaf that falls from the tree as soon as a storm starts. How many friends do ‘fallen’ artists and singers have left after their public humiliation? Few, I think. Only loneliness remains.
The branch-friends
Then you have the branch people. They seem sturdier. They can handle a fair bit. But as soon as a storm comes up in your life, as soon as things get tough… snap! They break off. These people can handle it fine if the sun is shining, but when the wind blows hard, they abandon you. True friends lift each other up. They celebrate your successes and are a source of strength when you feel weak. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says it beautifully: “Two are better than one; they have more profit from their work. For if one falls, the other helps him up. Wow to the person who is alone when he falls; he has no one to help him.” You see it in families, too. Brothers who build a business together. Tension arises, profits are down, and suddenly they’re at odds. Or families who go on vacation together, where a small conflict between the children ruins the entire relationship. During the COVID-19 pandemic, family members stood against each other, and church relationships broke because people had a different point of view. It seemed like such a sturdy branch, and yet… it broke. When something happens, you have to seek each other out and not keep blaming each other, but help each other up, as the Preacher teaches us.
The root-friends
But thankfully, there are also root people. Ah, they are rare, you have to be careful with them. Their friendship is unconditional. No fuss, no drama, they’re just there. If you’re thirsty, they give you water. If the storm rages, they hold you up. They don’t care if you’re rich or poor, successful or a loser. They accept you as you are, with all your weaknesses and troubles. Those root people are the true heroes. They stay, no matter what. Winter, spring, summer, or fall, they will never let you down.
The greatest root friend is Jesus himself. His lasting friendship was made visible through self-sacrifice. Love and friendship sometimes require sacrifice. A true friend puts the needs of the other above their own. Jesus gave His life for us; He went to the cross to call you and me to life. John 15:13 perfectly sums it up: “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” This is the ultimate example of Jesus’ friendship. He sacrificed His life for us, His friends, so that we could have eternal life.
Look around you. What kind of people do you have in your life? And do you dare to see God as a friend, too?
@wimvanputten