“I’m over it”
Wim van Putten
On disappointment and forgiveness
My parents no longer attended church
On this sunny day, I want to take a moment to reflect on a phrase we all know: “I’m over it.” This thought came to me during a conversation I recently had. I was talking with a man in his forties who had just lost his mother. A sad emptiness had entered his life. He admitted that, for his mother, it was probably for the best; he knew that deep down.
We then started talking about faith. “Was your mother a woman of faith?” I asked. “Yes,” he replied, “she truly believed in God. She’s in a better place now than she was here on earth.” I responded, “Then there must have been a memorial service or a mass?” “No,” he said, “no mass, because my parents no longer attended church.”
And then he told me his story, a story from forty years ago. When he was born, his father was a truck driver. He was on the road six days a week, often abroad. When he finally came home, he wanted to spend the time he had with his family, not sitting in a church. The pastor, however, insisted that he be there. Because his father refused, the child was not allowed to be baptized.
From that moment on, his parents never went back to church. All because his father didn’t want to spend his one free day there. “Surely there should always be room in church, especially for children?” he asked. I could only agree with him. Of course there is always room in the church, in the body of Jesus. Or as he so beautifully put it: “There’s always a place in the house of God.”
Disappointments in many forms
Our conversation continued on the subject of disappointment, and how painful it is when it happens within a church setting. Of course, many wonderful things happen in churches. Let’s start with that. We care for one another, we seek each other out, and we encourage each other.
But unfortunately, sad things happen too. People are hurt by what’s said to them, because they are different or have a different opinion. Or, like this couple, they were deeply hurt when their child was not allowed to be baptized. They felt excluded and rejected.
Exclusion
Sometimes you also feel excluded because there are cliques you just can’t seem to join. You stand alone in the church building while friends and acquaintances gather together. No one strikes up a conversation with you. When such sad situations occur, it’s not surprising that people become disappointed.
You expect a warm, loving family where everyone is welcome and where love prevails. And then it turns out to be quite a letdown. Even in the very best families, things happen that you don’t expect.
The danger of disappointment
I often see people in these situations decide to stay home. They say: “Just leave it. I’m not interested anymore, I’m absolutely over it. I’m completely fed up.”
Yet, that is not God’s will. On the contrary, God’s will is that we interact with one another, seek each other out in love in the church, and look out for one another.
Adopting a different attitude
I have learned that you can grow stronger precisely through disappointments and crises. Psychologists agree, and it’s also in the Bible: people who learn to forgive make a conscious choice in their hearts and in their lives. They say: “I will not let this rule me. This disappointment will not be the master of my life.”
When you find yourself in such a situation and you choose love, you choose forgiveness. That is the key God offers us to get through disappointments and to stay on our feet.
I remember standing at the window early in the morning, maybe at five o’clock, and saying: “Lord, I forgive.” And I named a few people who had left a negative mark on my life. I didn’t want to be ruled by disappointment. I learned to forgive those people, to pray for them, and to bless them. I noticed that my soul was healed by it.
The way forward
I read a beautiful text in Isaiah 58, verse 11: “The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.”
Perhaps you have been disappointed by others. Then make sure that you do not disappoint anyone yourself. Share the water from the spring, the Word of God, the love of Jesus, and the grace of God with the people around you.
A change is always possible. So don’t let your life be ruled by disappointments, but always hold on to hope. That happened in my own life, and I believe this also applies to millions of other people who have learned to deal with disappointments and to move forward anyway.
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