The painful betrayal
About betrayal, trust, and forgiveness
A knife in the back
Everyone knows that awful feeling of being stabbed in the back. That’s what betrayal feels like, and it hurts so much! It’s as if your trust has been completely shattered. The idea for this piece came to me when I recently heard a story from someone who experienced this drama firsthand.
A stab in the heart
For him, it felt like a direct knife stab. A deep wound, not so much physically, but really in his heart. He was completely shocked, felt powerless, and his trust was shattered. The perpetrator? Someone who called himself a “friend.” What had happened? This “friend” had told his brother something very personal, something you only share when you really trust someone. Ultimately, that man heard from his own brother what he had shared in a moment of confidence. Man, how awful is that? How painful is such a blow and how intense is that rotten feeling of betrayal? Sometimes you see it happening, especially when a friendship is already on its last legs. In this case, it was gossip, a blow with words that touched this man deeply in his soul.
Other forms of betrayal
Of course, there are plenty of stories like this. Think of money you give to someone, supposedly to help them out, but which is then misused for purely personal gain. I even heard once that someone used it to gamble, while his friend thought he was in serious trouble. When you discover that, you really feel betrayed.
But betrayal is not limited to money or possessions. What about relationships? How often are marriages undermined? Someone openly flirting with your partner. You are of good will and believe that nothing is wrong, but in the meantime, something beautiful is being destroyed, often out of pure jealousy or malicious lies. As you can see, the ways in which people can stab you in the back are endless.
Biblical examples of betrayal
Unfortunately, betrayal is also central to many stories in the Bible. Take Samson, for example. He was betrayed not only by so-called friends, but even by his own wife, Delilah. Samson had told a riddle, and through his wife they tried to find out what the answer was. He was furious and said, “You have abused and manipulated my wife!” They had pressured her so much that she tried to pry the answer out of him. Those friends turned out to be completely untrustworthy, truly stabbing him in the back.
But the most horrific example of betrayal in the Bible is, of course, the way Judas betrayed Jesus. Someone who had walked shoulder to shoulder with Him for three years, who had experienced all the joy and all the misery, who had even been trusted to manage the apostles’ finances! And what did he do? Judas sold Jesus for thirty pieces of silver.
We know that act today as the Judas kiss. In the Garden of Gethsemane, Judas identified Him with a kiss, as a signal: “This is the one you must arrest.” A terrible act with horrific consequences.
How do you deal with betrayal?
Then the pressing question is: how on earth do you deal with this when something like this happens to you? What are the steps—both from a biblical and a psychological point of view—that you really need to take?
That betrayal, that deception, that stab in the back—acknowledge that pain. It is a completely real, legitimate pain that you feel, so please don’t hide it, don’t deny it, and don’t try to justify it. You feel that justified anger rising in your heart, and give yourself all the space you need to feel that emotion. But secondly, and this is crucial, always seek refuge in God. If there is anyone you can trust blindly, anyone who will never stab you in the back, it is Him. People fall short, but God is faithful and steadfast; the Bible assures us that He is near.
And as for those feelings of revenge that bubble up? We must let them go and leave them to God, for He is the only righteous Judge. Romans 12:19 states it very clearly: “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay.” And finally — perhaps the most important point — there is forgiveness. Not just letting go, but truly forgiving. That is a deep choice of the heart, a long process and not a fleeting emotion. It does not mean that you deny everything, or that you take revenge yourself. It is a conscious decision to give the blame back to God and thus ensure that your heart remains free of resentment and bitterness. The Holy Spirit is there to help us with this, to forgive the other person — even that friend who betrayed you, who stabbed you in the back. Ephesians 4 urges us: “Forgive one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.”
The healing process
Of course, this is not always easy. That story about the man who heard what his so-called best friend had said about him… well, that cuts deep. Such a blow requires a considerable healing process. So, if something like this happens to you, if you feel betrayed or abandoned (whether you have been betrayed by your husband, your wife, or even one of your children), then this is the moment: allow that process to happen.
Be honest: some relationships are beyond repair. That friendship between those two is probably ruined for good. But you know what’s beautiful? All the pain, all the effort, and all the misery you’re going through can actually bring you closer to God. Because He is the ultimate source of life and comfort.
@ Wim van Putten