Stef Schagen
From sorrow to renewal
A conversation about trauma, faith, and the healing power of the Spirit
Stef Schagen was a pastor for many years and is now a coach for young leaders. He is also involved in projects such as Family7 and regularly speaks at various churches. But behind his impressive resume lies a story of profound loss, raw processing, and spiritual growth.
A childhood marked by loss
It all started in Aerdenhout, among the Bentleys and Porsches. Stef was a happy kid who organized parties in the backyard. Until his mother suddenly passed away; he was almost nine at the time.
“You never really get over something like that,” says Stef, his voice still betraying the pain. “I was standing on the driveway when my father told me. I ran inside and sat down on the couch, crying. Later, when my brother came home—he was fourteen at the time—he heard the news as soon as he walked in, and I saw his sadness. My brother has always been the introvert of the two of us, while I am more outgoing, but this image is etched in my memory. For years, I couldn’t get a word out of my throat about it. Not so much because of my own grief, but mainly because it affected me so deeply to see him standing there so helpless.”
His mother was only 38 when she died of a brain hemorrhage while working at a trade fair in Utrecht. It turned the Schagen family’s world upside down. “From that moment on, everything went downhill,” says Stef. My father had to deal with his own grief and withdrew behind Mahler’s heavy symphonies and closed curtains. “At that time, I wrote a note with a fountain pen: ‘Mama is dead, and I want to die too.’ That’s how it really felt.”
The hell of bullying
The trauma was magnified by what followed at school. From the end of elementary school to the fourth grade of high school, Stef was bullied for over six years. “Every day was unsafe,” he recalls. “I was a sweet kid, never hurt a fly. And then they got you.” Teachers sometimes watched without intervening; protocols did not yet exist.
Those emotional wounds remained for years. “I couldn’t even talk about the sadness, I sang it away.” (Not only in church, but especially at home). It was only much later that he was able to process it, partly through professional trauma treatment. “The Holy Spirit has worked tremendously in my life,” says Stef. “The Toronto Blessing has been a huge blessing for me in that regard.”
An unexpected encounter
The big turning point came in October 1985. After a youth evening, his friend Oscar asked if they could pray together for a moment. “Then the Holy Spirit came. Unmistakably. He asked, ‘Can I have you, Stef? I want all of you.’ I shot out of my chair and fell flat on my face. I knew: He can have everything of me. I was baptized in the Holy Spirit and began to speak in tongues. Everything from heaven came at once: awe for the Lord, character, joy, a hunger for fasting, prayer, and the Bible, and to proclaim Jesus.”
That experience led to theological studies and ultimately to the pastorate. But not before God restored the family in a special way. A stepmother came into the house who had been Corrie ten Boom’s secretary. Evangelical pioneers such as Ben and Wiesje Hoekendijk, Peter Vlug, and Floyd McClung became almost like family. “I really enjoy that,” says Stef. “That God grabbed me, gave me His grace, and didn’t let me down.”
Balance as a life theme
For Stef, faith is about balance. “My foundations are Scripture and the Holy Spirit. The two legs on which we walk are Truth and Spirit. The two arms are the gifts and fruits of the Spirit. And the two ears: law and grace.” He likes to quote Jan Zijlstra: “With the Word alone you dry up, with the Spirit alone you inflate, but with Word and Spirit you grow.”
Stef also seeks that balance in his view of healing. “I believe in God, but I also believe in the doctor. All knowledge ultimately comes from God.” He is averse to spiritual amateurism: “As a pastor, I say: find a good Christian psychologist. That works faster and more effectively.”
Toronto: the turning point
In 1995, Stef and his wife Agnes independently got the impression that they should go to Canada. They had no money, but on August 21, an uncle of Agnes called: he had saved up and wanted to bring them to Toronto. “I stepped over the threshold there and was immediately gripped by God,” Stef says of the Airport Vineyard Church.
What touched him most was the humble leadership. “John Arnott was just standing there in a polo shirt. No exclusivity, no manipulation around money. They even said: if you come for the conference, you don’t have to give to the collection, because you’ve already paid.”
When Stef returned to the Netherlands, people no longer recognized him. He had been freed from manipulation and the deep fear of rejection. More recently, in 2025, he was deeply moved again during a conference in Ede. A persistent fear that had tormented him throughout his marriage—the fear that people would turn against him or that his wife would be angry with him—disappeared for good. “I am no longer afraid. That is how God heals you in the depths.”
The Bible as a Jewish book
Stef has a deep love for Scripture from a Hebrew perspective. He prefers not to use the term “Old Testament.” “It suggests that it is outdated, when in fact it is still valid. Jesus simply referred to the Law, the Prophets, and the Psalms.” For Stef, Christ is the common thread: “The Bible is the clock, Jesus is the pendulum.”
The daily struggle
Behind the spiritual victories lies a daily struggle: Agnes is chronically ill. She has narrowly escaped death several times. “Every morning when we get up, the first question is: how are you?” Stef says softly. “It weighs on my soul to see her suffer every day.”
The most painful thing was the reactions from the church community. Twice, Agnes was told that someone did not want to pray for her because her illness was the result of her sin. “I find that very difficult,” says Stef. “If I had been there, I would have almost committed a sin myself at that moment.”
Despite the struggle, they see God’s power. One night, Agnes was dying. “I laid my hands on her in my sleep and boom – she was back in her body. I didn’t hear about it until the next morning.” Stef calls it a dilemma: “We see just enough strength to keep her here, but not enough to see her completely healthy. Yet we continue to experience His presence.”
Lessons from leadership
As a pastor, Stef also saw the dark side of the church: manipulation and religious power games. “Because of that, I was afraid of Christians for a while. I almost didn’t dare go to church anymore.” He learned that religion is often a form of control.
He found inspiration in leaders such as Floyd McClung and John Arnott. Arnott taught him a crucial lesson: “Damaged leaders damage others, but healthy leaders bring wholeness.” Since then, Stef has consciously invested in his own inner health.
From unity to truth
Where Stef used to focus on unity for the sake of unity, his focus is now on truth. “True unity only exists in truth. The truth sets us free.” His most important lesson for the church today? “What if we surrendered our egos at the altar? Not just our sins, but also our ‘I’. Then we would come a long way.”
A life of grace
Looking back, Stef has no regrets. “I have always acted according to my convictions. But if I had known in advance what I would encounter in the church, I might never have been converted.”
Yet gratitude prevails. His guiding principle is the “eleventh commandment” (which does not officially exist): Thou shalt enjoy. Enjoy God’s grace, even in the midst of suffering. “Ecclesiastes says that everything is vanity, but that it is a gift from God if you can enjoy. Fear God and keep His commandments.”
For Stef, enjoyment is not superficiality, but an act of faith. It is the paradox of a man who is wounded yet healed, suffering yet deeply connected to the presence of God.
@wimvanputten