The great challenge for the church
A longing for authenticity and transparency
The back door stands open
We are living in an extraordinary time in which the church faces profound challenges. Whether looking at various evangelical congregations or traditional denominations, two distinct movements are happening simultaneously. On one hand, there are beautiful developments; on the other, there are deeply concerning trends.
Recently, research by Anja Moesker at the Theological University of Apeldoorn highlighted a painful reality: the church is primarily losing the Millennial generation (born 1981–1996). This process is not limited to Reformed circles. In the Catholic Church, the situation is even more dramatic, and evangelical communities are by no means immune.
In both the Netherlands and the United States, an increasing number of young adults have walked away from the faith of their youth over the past few decades. Notably, there were often not people on the fringes. Frequently, it was the most committed members who left—youth workers and worship leaders who had been at the forefront for years. They didn’t leave by slamming the door; they slipped quietly out the back, often carrying a sense of deep disappointment.
Yet, there is a glimmer of hope on the horizon. While Millennials have departed in large numbers, Generation Z seems to be charting a different course. For the first time in years, today’s youth and young adults are showing a serious interest in faith and church attendance.
A double message
For her research, Moesker spoke with eighteen Millennials and twenty-six parents. What she discovered regarding their upbringing was both surprising and troubling. There was a striking contradiction in how parents guided their children. In daily life, parents were often open-minded; young people were encouraged to express their opinions, and there was plenty of room for dialogue. However, as soon as faith was discussed, that attitude shifted completely. Suddenly, everything became rigid, leaving no room for questions or doubt.
These two conflicting messages created significant friction. In secular life, their opinions mattered, but in the religious sphere, they were expected to simply conform. Furthermore, parents rarely modeled what faith meant to them personally. Children learned the doctrines for church classes but didn’t see how their parents lived out their faith in times of grief or uncertainty. That remained invisible.
Consequently, many Millennials came to view faith primarily as a matter of culture and tradition rather than a living relationship with God. Faith became a theoretical exercise rather than a lived experience. Because parents often adopted a distant and demanding posture in this area, children developed an image of God as being the same. However, young people are looking for role models who demonstrate what it means to be a child of God in the practicalities of everyday life.
The front door wide open
Throughout my years in evangelical circles, I have seen this pattern manifest in a different way. The front door is often wide open for new people and large events. We celebrate growth with great enthusiasm. However, the back door is just as wide. People who entered with joy often leave later, disillusioned.
It isn’t just the occasional visitor who leaves. Seasoned elders and passionate youth workers are also bowing out. This “silent exodus” still receives far too little attention. Years ago, Otto de Bruijne—an artist and speaker I hold in high regard—co-authored the book Ooit Evangelisch (Once Evangelical). He investigated why people left their congregations after years of intensive involvement. These were often active, highly educated members aged forty and older who were at the heart of the community. The conclusion was clear: congregations focus heavily on conversions and larger venues, but they rarely talk about the people who disappear through the back door, wounded or exhausted.
Why active members leave
Research highlights several key reasons why people leave church. Church leaders would do well to take these points seriously to avoid repeating the same patterns. A major factor is an authoritarian style of leadership. Many stories featured a top-down structure where leaders brooked no correction, dismissing critical questions by claiming God had determined the course.
Additionally, spiritual and emotional abuse played a role. People felt immense pressure to perform and were told they weren’t enthusiastic enough, leading to deep feelings of guilt and shame. This was exacerbated by a one-sided focus on miracles and victory, which left no room for mourning, depression, or the hardships of the Christian life. When conflicts remained unresolved or friendships proved to be conditional on participation, people felt relationally mistreated. Ultimately, the constant call for more commitment led to burnout. Many left defeated or sought out a different church, resulting in a “circulation of the saints” that yields no net gain for the Kingdom.
A new generation arises
Fortunately, there is a positive side. We are seeing Generation Z find its way back to the church. These young people do not carry the baggage of stifling dogmas or authoritarian traditions. They are looking for a style of faith that resonates with them and are finding it in new communities that seek contemporary forms. Since 2022, the trend of secularization even seems to be shifting slightly due to this generation.
In the United States, weekly church attendance among Gen Z is rising significantly. These young people attend church more frequently than the generations immediately above them. Interest is particularly high among young men, and some researchers are even calling it a spiritual awakening.
The search for meaning
This turnaround is rooted in the current zeitgeist. The world is changing rapidly, and old habits no longer suffice. Gen Z grew up amidst climate change, pandemics, and political unrest. They crave stability and answers to life’s big questions. They are exhausted by the shallowness of social media and long for genuine community and deep relationships.
Authenticity is crucial to them. Churches that are honest about doubt and vulnerability appeal to them. They aren’t necessarily looking for a traditional Sunday service; they feel at home in house churches, at festivals, or in online groups. For them, the form is secondary to the substance.
What the church can learn
The experiences of Millennials and the arrival of Gen Z offer vital lessons. To retain and welcome young people, churches must preach a realistic image of God and be honest about the fact that life with God includes disappointment. It is essential to create an environment where people can be themselves, letting go of the “perfect picture” to make space for doubt and grief.
Furthermore, churches must ensure healthy structures where leaders are accountable and remain humble. Preventing exhaustion requires preaching rest and healthy boundaries. It is also vital to focus on the core of the Gospel rather than political preferences. True connection is far more important than clinging to old structures. These insights are not my own but are gathered from various studies and observations.
The power of love
The lessons from the past are clear. We know the damage caused by authoritarian leadership and a lack of authenticity. The return of Generation Z shows a massive hunger for meaning, provided it is offered in an honest and open way.
Many Millennials who left the church did not give up on their faith; they simply couldn’t find a safe place within the institutional walls. They are looking for a place where weakness is not a disgrace. The key lies in radical, unconditional love—the kind Jesus modeled. It is love that sets no conditions and remains even if someone leaves. If we put that love into practice, there is hope for every generation. Then, the church becomes a true community of people traveling together, carried by a love that surpasses all understanding.
@wimvanputten