Rejection
The Pain of Disadvantage
Last Tuesday, I heard on the news that the Netherlands Institute for Social Research had published the research report Citizen Perspectives 2026. According to that report, large groups of Dutch people feel disadvantaged in various areas, and that dissatisfaction is linked, among other things, to housing. Young people who are forced to continue living at home and tenants living in substandard housing and paying sky-high rents, in particular, feel disadvantaged and misunderstood.
Others indicated that politicians have let them down. Political parties promise all sorts of things but never follow through on their pre-election pledges. In their view, politicians mainly listen to wealthy lobbyists and influential interest groups. The feeling that you’re being left behind, that no one understands you, and that you’ve missed the boat is a terrible feeling.
A deep sense of rejection
As the old saying goes, you’ve been left out in the cold. Someone else has done better for themselves than you’ve been able to manage on your own. That jealousy leads to great disappointment and, not infrequently, to anger—which you sometimes see at protests. The same is true on a personal level: whether you’re passed over for a promotion or receive a rejection with every job application, these kinds of experiences take a toll on people. You feel overlooked and neglected. It’s a deep sense of rejection and dismissal. That feeling drives people to prove themselves. They’d prefer to push the disappointment and rejection out of their lives, but they sometimes do so in all sorts of unhealthy ways. To cope with that pain, people develop defense mechanisms that end up hurting themselves.
This can happen in two ways. Some people start to exhibit people-pleasing behavior. They’re always there for others, at the expense of themselves. They find it hard to say no, for fear that the other person will let them down. They constantly gauge whether the other person is happy, doing whatever it takes to avoid conflict.
Compensation
This creates distance. In groups, you often see these people in the background. They’d prefer to be invisible. So how do you compensate for that? Sometimes by working extremely hard, being a perfectionist, seeking the admiration of others, and wanting to hear that you’re doing such a good job. But it often doesn’t work, because the bar is always set too high. These are difficult situations, especially for people who feel socially disadvantaged, but also for those who aren’t feeling well psychologically or emotionally.
Life can become quite difficult then. People constantly compare themselves to others, especially if those others seem to have it together better. That reminds me of a well-known story from the Bible, about King Saul. He had already achieved great success and, at that time, had also received God’s blessing on his kingship. He had no reason to be ashamed before anyone or to prove himself, because he was the king appointed by God, anointed by the prophet Samuel. In other words: just fulfill your responsibilities as king and don’t feel inferior because of who you are and what you do.
Jealousy
Then, however, a young shepherd boy comes along who takes on Israel’s enemies in a remarkable way. He defeats Goliath, a massive Philistine giant, with his stone and sling, thereby freeing the people. The girls and women joyfully sing in their victory dance that King Saul has defeated thousands. In doing so, they praise and honor him.
But David has defeated tens of thousands, and so they honor him even more. This made Saul despondent, and he struggled through life with great difficulty. Above all, a deep hatred grew in his heart toward the one who seemed to have outshone him and who was barely aware of it. It all took place in Saul’s heart. Thus, malice took hold of him, and he went through life tormented, gloomy, and withdrawn.
This Is How God Sees You
How wonderful, then, to read that God calls every person—no matter who you are—a beloved child. Whether you’re a king or a shepherd boy, a man or a woman, well-off or barely making ends meet. Psalm 139 says that God has made and formed us in a special way in our mother’s womb.
So you are free to be who you are, just as God has made and called you. Of course, you are free to develop yourself and strive for a better position, a higher income, or whatever your desires may be. But first and foremost, it’s about accepting who you are, knowing that God loves you, and allowing yourself to be just as He has formed you. This involves a spiritual struggle, because self-rejection can play a major role in your life, especially if you’ve experienced a lot of rejection and rejection since childhood.
Healing
Here, everyone can seek healing and recovery from old wounds. In this way, a healed man or woman can live with the understanding that others have different qualities—sometimes even better ones. He recognizes his own weaknesses but knows that he can work toward improvement and healing. In this way, you can be who you are, just as God intended you to be. You don’t have to measure yourself against others. That other person is different—neither better nor worse. We are all allowed to represent the colors of God’s palette.
Every person is unique. Every eye is unique. Every fingerprint is unique. In the same way, you, too, are a uniquely created being, who may function in God’s love and live for the honor and glory of God and as a blessing to your neighbor.
@wimvanputten