In conversation with
Irma van Ommen
Part 1
From rejection to unshakeable faith
The story of Irma van Ommen
Irma sits across from me; she is of a respectable age, although you would never guess it. “They guess I’m 18,” she laughs, “but they know better. Still, it’s a nice compliment.” We are about to embark on a very special conversation, because Irma’s life story is one that begins with deep rejection and ends with unshakeable, rock-solid faith.
A difficult start
“I was conceived by a German officer,” Irma says calmly. “Strangely enough, that never made me feel inferior. At least, I never experienced it that way. As a child, I was an obedient girl; I didn’t have the kind of stubbornness you sometimes see in children my age.”
To truly understand Irma’s history, we first need to know her mother’s story. A story that has actually been about rejection for generations. Irma’s mother herself was abandoned by her own mother at the age of seven. “She was sitting on a stool with her little sister. She was wearing two dresses. Everything else in the house was gone. Grandma had left and taken the other children with her.”
Irma’s mother found shelter with an aunt in Haarlem, but later moved to Harderwijk because of her asthma. She grew up there with a wealthy couple who spoiled her terribly as their only child. “Still, when she was sixteen, she had to go back to her mother to work,” Irma explains.
War, love, and birth
It was 1943, in the middle of the war. Irma’s mother was 23 and living with her oldest sister in IJmuiden. Irma’s mother later told her: “My mother kept saying that I was bad. And then I thought: I’ll show you how bad I am. And then she went completely wild.”
She fell madly in love with a German officer. So madly in love that she went with him to Germany, in the middle of the war, to Bremerhaven. “The moment of truth arrived: she had to give birth. She was all alone in the hospital. And what did he do? He went to a concert with his mother while his girlfriend was in labor.”
Irma’s mother endured the birth alone. “How tragic is that?” Irma sighs. The next day, the father came by and gave the baby a name that Irma still pronounces with mixed feelings to this day: “Irmgard Herta Marie. Herta… they used to name sheepdogs that. Terrible, just terrible.”
But fortunately, there was a maternity nurse who took pity on her. Her name was Irma. “She said, ‘Oh, child, such a terrible name for such a ray of sunshine.’ And so my mother named me Irma.”
The flight to the Netherlands
Irma’s mother had a terrible dream about bombs hitting their house. In the dream, she picked up her child, but when she put on the diaper, it turned out to be a boy. “She woke up in a panic, completely distraught. Then, in the middle of the war, she packed all her belongings and returned to the Netherlands.” My mother did not live with God, but she did feel that He had warned her through this dream.
Back in Harderwijk, her mother went to work for the Wehrmacht as a dental assistant. Baby Irma spent her days with the nuns. And that’s where things almost went wrong. “I became very ill. I developed a large abscess. A young nun whispered to my mother, ‘You must take your child away from here. She will definitely die. The Mother Superior had given the order: put that Kraut child in the linen room and don’t give her any food.“
”That’s why I always say: you see that line, how the Lord has always been there in my life since childhood,” Irma reflects.
Growing up in Amsterdam
Eventually, her mother fled to Amsterdam. She found work through an advertisement: a divorced man was looking for a housekeeper. “He actually became my father. He never hit me. He took me into his heart and accepted me completely. He loved me dearly and even carried a photo of me in his wallet. But his marriage to my mother was a marriage of convenience, you see?”
Irma grew up as the eldest of four girls. Those feelings of rejection and abandonment continued to play a role. It was a spiritual influence that continued from one generation to the next, across all genders. Her mother said things that stuck: “Irma is the child who was conceived out of love, and the rest just happened.” She also played Irma off against her sister. “For example, when my sister was a teenager, my mother would say, ‘Oh, you were so ugly. People were shocked. And Irma was such a beautiful child.’”
But Irma now understands more: “My mother once said: if you don’t have an arm, you can’t stretch it out. Actually, my mother just couldn’t do it, she was powerless, you see?” I have learned to look beyond the problems and behavior to the person behind them. That makes it easier to love without judging.
Conversion at the age of fifteen
The family came to faith through their neighbors. Irma’s mother changed, and eventually they all became believers. “I was the last to come to faith,” Irma says.
When she was fifteen, she went to a party. There was an architect there, a few years older than her. “He clearly had a crush on me. And I was so naive.” They went to his house. His parents weren’t there. “Then it turned out to be a sex orgy. I said I had to go to the bathroom, went there, and then cycled home as fast as I could, crying.”
Once home, in her room, Irma fell to her knees. “Lord God, if You are the Lord I have heard about, please show Yourself to me.” And then—I will never forget this—her room was completely dark at first, and suddenly a bright light filled the room, but strangely enough, she felt no fear; it had completely disappeared. A wonderful peace came over her. In that moment, she gave her heart to the Lord Jesus.
The love of her life
At youth meetings, Irma met brothers Jan and Ab van Ommen. Jan was her youth leader and was engaged. “I couldn’t understand what his fiancée saw in Jan. I didn’t like him at all.”
But after a year, when Irma was seventeen, the spark was ignited. “Then I fell in love with him. And I hated it. A boy who was engaged and my youth leader. He was almost five years older than me. I prayed a lot about it, because I didn’t want it. I wanted nothing more than for those feelings to disappear. All the girls in the church were crazy about Jan and Ab.“ Irma played it smart: ”They all came to me to cry about it. And I would say with a straight face, ‘What do you see in Jan?’”
During a preacher’s course in Markelo, Irma led the singing service on Sunday morning. Jan came in. “He said, ‘I came in and you were leading the singing service.’ If he were still alive today, he would have known what I was wearing. He said, ‘It was as if I had been struck by lightning.’”
Jan had just gone through a difficult period with his fiancée. “Then he went into the woods and lay down on the heath. And there he prayed: ‘Lord, have you seen her? I believe it. I’m going to ask her. And if she says yes, she will be my wife.’ “
Jan was immediately clear: ”He said, ‘Irma, you know I was engaged. But I never had sex with her, because I wanted to save that for our marriage.’ Well, coming from such a special family as the one I grew up in, I thought that was fantastic. We did indeed both marry as virgins. And we have both been very grateful for that. From the very first day, we were actually just soul mates.”
A marriage full of love
“Did you have a happy marriage?” I ask. “Fantastic, just fantastic!” Irma replies without hesitation.
Their marriage was blessed with a song: “Where love dwells, the Lord commands His blessing. There He Himself dwells, there His salvation is spread.” Their wedding text came from Colossians 3:1: “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.”
“Durk Sprik, a well-known preacher at the time, called Jan when he received the card with the text. He said, ‘Jan, you’ve got it all wrong, man! You’re getting married, so you’re not going to choose a verse that says ‘for you have died’? Jan said, ‘Then you need to read it a little more carefully.’” The loyalty they showed each other in their marriage was incredible. “That foundation can withstand the whole world. The Lord God is always there, and the Lord Jesus carries us through everything.”
Childless, and yet…
For nine years, Jan and Irma were childless. They considered adoption and even visited a children’s home in Italy. Eventually, they tried hormone treatments. “That’s how I got pregnant. It was really special. Then we had our daughter. And two years later, we had a son.”
Foster children
Later, they came into contact with foster families in their church. “We had two children, but we actually wanted a large family. Jan loved children and so did I.” They decided to become foster parents. “With every child who came, we always prayed: ‘Lord, You know our qualities and You also know our pitfalls. We pray that You will bring the right child to us.’”
Child welfare services did not have any young children. “Our oldest child, our daughter, was ten at the time. And our son was eight. We thought anything under eight would be fine. But they didn’t do that. We were able to share our love and faith with all the children who lived with us. We have always had a big heart for the vulnerable.”
@Wim van Putten