I never should have left my father alone
The weight of guilt: How you can move on
I clearly remember working as a social worker in youth care back in the 1970s. I spoke with a man who was a taxi and truck driver in Rotterdam. His child no longer felt safe at home and even had to move somewhere else. It was a difficult situation. There were many problems: at home, at school, and with bad friends. In the end, the judge decided the child had to be removed from the home. The mother told me that her husband cried every night and often seemed inconsolable.
Later, he shared his own story with me in confidence. When he was a child, during the war, he stood with his father at the train station in Zwolle. His father had to report there because the Germans were sending him to Germany. The then twelve-year-old boy went along. A German soldier told the boy to go home, that he had no business being there. So, the boy left his father behind, not knowing he would never see him again.
It’s so sad that the boy never saw his father again. Now, as an adult, he told me he should have stayed with his father, that he never should have left him alone. What a touching story! He feels a lifelong sense of guilt, whether it’s justified or not.
We all know guilt
We’ve all regretted things that could have gone differently. Maybe you didn’t give enough attention to your relationship, or you feel guilty because your children are distancing themselves. Everyone knows that feeling, no one is an exception.
Recently, I read the book “Mijn vaders hand” (My Father’s Hand) by Bart Chabot. In it, a father and son were estranged for twenty years due to various events. Sometimes things just turn out differently than you’d want.
Letting go and moving on
If you’re struggling with guilt, it’s time to put it behind you. It doesn’t help your situation, but it can motivate you to do something. Sometimes others don’t even know you feel this way. For example, if you’ve done something secretly, like watching pornography, which you know isn’t good for your relationship with God. It disturbs the peace in your heart.
It’s important that we don’t get stuck in a web of guilt that holds us back. Of course, we can’t say it’s not a big deal, but we all make mistakes. No matter how hard we try, there are always times when we do something wrong.
Don’t let nasty thoughts or guilt get to you. Especially in a negative environment, like at home or work, you can sometimes be sensitive to this. You might quickly think, “If only I had prayed more” or “I could have done this or that better.” But don’t give in to those thoughts. Don’t lose your relationship with God because of them.
Forgiveness and hope
The Bible teaches us that the ‘accuser,’ who constantly blames us, has been defeated. Guilt can weigh heavily on you, but the Holy Spirit wants to help you shake off those burdens. God wants to speak to us in an encouraging way, not to condemn us. He wants to help you make changes in your life.
Let’s also not avoid the word ‘sin,’ even if some would prefer not to hear it. God doesn’t want us to stay stuck in it. He wants to renew and restore us.
A beautiful Biblical idea can be found in Psalm 32:
“Blessed is the one whose transgressions are forgiven.”
With God, we are safe and don’t have to hide anything. When we entrust our feelings, sins, and mistakes to Him, it helps us grow.
A high price was paid for our freedom. Seek God when you’re struggling and know that He wants to forgive you abundantly. Let’s not hide our guilt any longer.
@wimvanputten