A moment of reflection
Where have all the years gone?
Frederick – his friends call him Rick – sat at his kitchen table that morning, staring at a cup of coffee that had long since gone cold. Outside, the autumn wind rustled through the leaves of the old oak tree where his children used to have their swing. But that was a lifetime ago; they had long since left home. Now, it was just him and his wife Martha in the house, and for the first time in ages, he had the mental space to truly reflect.
Seventy-six years old. It still sounded unbelievable to him. Where had all the years gone? In a flash, he saw himself again as a young father, running after tiny feet, changing diapers in the dead of night, and later, cheering from the sidelines at soccer games. Always on the move, always busy.
Silence of the early morning
“A good life,” he muttered to himself. And it was, no doubt about it. He and Martha had their share of joy and sorrow, as life often goes. The children had grown up healthy and found their own way. He’d had a job that gave him satisfaction, a roof over his head, and friends to laugh and cry with.
But in the quiet of that early morning, Rick felt something he couldn’t quite put into words. It was as if he’d spent his whole life participating in a dance where he knew all the steps perfectly, but had never really heard the music. As if he had lived by a script someone else had written for him. He thought of his father, who always used to say, “Son, work hard, provide for your family, and keep a low profile.” Good, solid advice, no question. But was that all there was? Was there not more to life than this practical, down-to-earth existence?
A dream
The night before, he’d had a dream that stuck with him. He was walking through a kind of monastery, with silent corridors and tall windows where the light fell like liquid gold. Businessmen in suits walked right past, briefcases in hand, but he stayed. And suddenly, there were children, laughing faces, and even a familiar singer he used to listen to, who nodded at him as if they were old friends. He woke up with a strange feeling he couldn’t shake. A kind of homesickness for something he’d never known. Perhaps it was a deep longing for a life that was truly his own.
Rick got up and walked to the window. The oak tree was still there, sturdier than ever. Maybe it was time to stop living by other people’s expectations. Time to listen to that quiet voice deep inside, the one he had suppressed for so long under the daily hustle and bustle. He was seventy-six, but not too old to start over. Not too old to discover who Frederick really was, beyond all the roles he had played. And for the first time in a long time, that didn’t feel like a threat, but like a beautiful promise.
Partly autobiographical
This story is partly autobiographical. I did work hard, not because my father demanded it, but because I enjoyed it and it allowed me to provide well for my family. Now, it’s just the two of us, and we look back on a wonderful life together. We’re still happy after all these years.
But what do you do with the rest of your life? What path does God want me to take, and which one do I want for myself? Are there still new roads to explore? Absolutely! That’s just who I am; I love adventure and new experiences. My whole life, I’ve felt the guidance of the Holy Spirit. We lived in different places, moved several times, and had the privilege of serving the Lord and His church in various communities. I can only look back on that with immense gratitude.
Unique talents
The dream of the monastery, with its silence and harmony, hints at what I want for the future. Not a boring and monotonous existence, but space for the movement of the Spirit and new discoveries. My greatest desire is to be authentic in Him. Not that I haven’t been; thankfully, the Lord made me with unique talents, and I’ve lived my life in my own way. No better or worse than anyone else, but in my own way, our way, seeking the path of life together with God. We used to sing an old hymn in our church: “All the way my Savior leads me, what have I to ask beside…” No, my soul desires nothing more. That is the greatest gift a person can wish for. A look back with a sense of contentment, and a look ahead with the desire to live the life that brings me the most fulfillment, together with my beloved wife.
@wimvanputten