A wink from God
Today, a little story that I call ‘A Wink from God.
What I’m about to tell you might sound a bit strange to some of you. And you know what? I understand that. A personal experience, especially something like this, is super personal. It means the most to the person who experiences it. For me, that was certainly the case here. So, if you think, ‘Hmm, what a weird story,’ that’s okay. But if you do find it special, then I’m happy for you, and maybe you’ll even start looking out for such a ‘wink’ yourself sometime.
It was a while ago now, but I was just having a really rotten day. You know the kind. Normally, I’m quite cheerful and positive, but everyone has an ‘off-day’ now and then. A day when life just doesn’t feel so good. Nothing terrible had happened, thankfully no arguments at home or problems with the children. No, just one of those days when your mood is low, for no clear reason.
Well, I love to walk through the woods then. We have a lovely spot on the Veluwe, close to that well-known Boshuis Drie. You can really wander around beautifully in nature there. So, that’s what I did that day. Just enjoying the peace, being quiet for a while. Being quiet for me means thinking and praying, relaxing a bit. Sometimes I take my digital Bible for some inspiration, but that day the gloominess was getting to me. Not nice.
And so I walked there, all alone, through the woods. Away from everyone, away from the hustle and bustle. Wonderful to be alone, but with a downhearted feeling nonetheless. When I walk, I always hope to see some wildlife. A roe deer, a red deer, a fox, a wild boar… That always makes it fun. That day I hadn’t seen anything yet. In my gloomy mood, I was grumbling a bit to God. That things weren’t going my way, that it was a bit disappointing. Yes, exactly one of those days I just described, you know?
As I was walking along a forest path, a bit complainingly, I suddenly heard a kind of voice from within. It was a voice I know, a soft, yet clear whisper. I believe it’s the Holy Spirit. And that voice said, ‘Look behind you.’ ‘Look behind you.’ Immediately I thought: huh, look behind me? Why? That’s weird, isn’t it? Be normal!”
So, at first, I didn’t pay any attention to it. But that voice within me persisted: ‘Look behind you.’ I stopped. ‘Okay,’ I thought, ‘fine then. I’ll just humor myself for a moment.’ I turned around. And guess what? Not even ten meters away, there suddenly stood a huge wild boar. I have never been so close to such a large boar! It was really amazing, so unexpected. If I hadn’t looked back, I would never have seen it.
And at that moment, I experienced it as a wink from God. And through that wink, my gloominess suddenly disappeared. What a great experience and what a lesson for me: don’t be stubborn, but just listen to that voice that sometimes wants to say to you and to me, ‘Look behind you.’
Now, I do know that the Bible says somewhere that we shouldn’t look back. Jesus says in Luke 9 verse 62 that anyone who puts a hand to the plow and keeps looking back is not fit for service in the kingdom of God. Looking back can then mean holding onto the past, to how things used to be.
Sometimes you hear people say, ‘Everything was better in the old days.’ I recently read a nice piece by Annelies van Walsum, a blogger, about this. So recognizable: ‘In the past, for example, it was quite normal to know if you were healthy without all sorts of tests. You were a girl or a boy if you were born that way. Parents stayed together instead of everyone having new partners. Father and mother had the same last name because they were married.’
She gave a whole list of such examples. Nice to read, but yes, times and customs have changed. And yet Jesus says: don’t look back ‘in that way’. Because if you keep dwelling on the past, you are not fit for the kingdom of God. And yes, I do want to be fit for that kingdom!
But when I do look back, I mainly see the beautiful things and the blessings that my wife and I have received from God. We can really tell stories about that. For example, we couldn’t have children. After eight years, after much prayer, we still received, to our surprise and great joy, three healthy children! I can also tell you about how we got a house. Everyone said, ‘You’ll never manage that, impossible! That’s a house for the director, not for you.’ But we still got that house, and we lived there happily for 38 years.
And I could go on like this for a while about all that God has done and arranged in our lives: in the areas of happiness, health, money, our family, and of course all the spiritual blessings. It’s so much, truly reason to be incredibly grateful. So when I look back ‘in that way’, I see a life full of beautiful things and blessings. And when there was sorrow, there was comfort. When there was pain, healing came, sometimes through prayer, sometimes through the doctor. But in everything, I want to give the honor to God, who was always there and cared for us.
I think the prophet Isaiah describes such a person in chapter 33:
They are the one who will dwell on the heights, whose refuge will be the mountain fortress; their bread will be supplied, and water will not fail them.’ (Isaiah 33:15-16 NIV)
That image of safety and care, I have indeed experienced. He has done His work in our lives with love and faithfulness. I look back on that with gratitude.
So yes, I look back, but then with thankfulness. But I also look forward to what is still to come. And sometimes, on that path ahead, you just need another wink from God.
@wimvanputten