Church pain
Podcast
Last week, I listened to a podcast from ‘Goed Nieuws Radio’ with pastor Arjan Zantingh from the City Church in Groningen. In the podcast, they talked about ‘church pain.’ Arjan noticed in his own church that this was an important topic because it stopped people from living together fruitfully as brothers and sisters. He also knows church pain from his own life, which he shares in the podcast. This was why he started working on this topic in his church and in his own life. It was an interesting podcast, and I recognized a lot in it. So, afterward, I also listened to his sermon on this topic, which he gave last year in his church. I’ll give a summary of his talk:
Love for God’s house, the church
The main point of the sermon is Psalm 84, which is about a deep longing for God’s house. The psalmist truly longs for the temple in Jerusalem because God is present there in a special way. He says that one day in God’s house is worth more than a thousand days anywhere else.
The church community as God’s house
Today, the temple no longer exists. But for Christians, Jesus’ church community is God’s holy place. The church members are like living stones of a spiritual house where Christ lives. That’s why a Christian should have a deep longing to meet Jesus and also each other, because together they form His house.
Arjan Zantingh wonders about the listeners’ longing for the church community. He warns that if one generation sees the church as an option, the next generation will see it as unnecessary. He states that it’s pointless to come out of habit; instead, a longing for what God will do when they gather is essential. He encourages people to talk honestly with God if their longing has faded. If needed, they should pray to get this longing back or to become active in the church community again.
The church as a workshop of love
The speaker emphasizes that the church is, above all, a workshop of love. Love cannot exist without truth, and truth cannot exist without love, but it can exist without judgment. The gospel is about a redeemed and redeeming community; you cannot belong to Jesus without being part of His body, the church community.
He admits that no church community is perfect and that the Bible also shows examples of conflicts and problems within the early church. Despite these imperfections, the church community, when it works as it should, is the best place on earth to grow in love. God doesn’t have a plan B; the church community is God’s plan A, and He will always love His church community, no matter how imperfect it is. Arjan encourages everyone to speak positively and blessedly about other churches and to stop judging.
Dealing with church pain
An important topic in his message is church pain: the pain and disappointment people experience within the church, often caused by other believers or leaders. This can make it hard to feel connected or to serve. Arjan shares his own experience with church pain and stresses that it’s important to deal with it, because unresolved pain can hold you back and affect how you function in the church community.
At the end of his talk, he gives four tips for dealing with church pain:
- Recognize your pain: Write down what the pain is, who caused it and how, and what emotions it brings up. God knows about it and wants you to share your feelings with Him.
- Take the path of forgiveness: Forgiveness is the only way to heal. It doesn’t mean the pain will hurt less or that you won’t feel it anymore, but it frees you from the other person’s influence. Where possible, also try to make peace with the person who caused the pain.
- Take responsibility for your part: Even if your part seems small, it’s important to admit what you might have done wrong and ask for forgiveness for it.
- Try to trust again: While there’s no guarantee you won’t be disappointed again, it’s worth opening yourself up and giving to the church community again. God will bless steps towards healing and renewed dedication.
The sermon ends with the wish that everyone can once again say from the bottom of their soul: ‘How lovely is your dwelling place.’
Gods house
Many people walk around with church pain, caught between longing and disappointment. But experience shows that healing is possible. God’s house remains lovely, not because we are perfect, but because He loves perfectly. And sometimes, you have to go through the dark valley of pain to rediscover how wonderful it is to be at home in His house.
‘One day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere.’ These words can be believed again. And slowly but surely, the longing grows again – a longing for God’s house, for His people, for the place where love is learned and lived, however imperfect.
Sometimes more needs to happen
Besides the four steps mentioned, sometimes more needs to happen. I saw this in a church community where people realized serious mistakes had been made in the past. The leaders longed for healing, an end to the brokenness that had happened. It starts with admitting that mistakes were made, which caused harm to individual members and to the community. Relationships were damaged and caused tension in God’s family. They chose a period of reconciliation; they reconnected with members who had left. They asked for forgiveness and confessed their faults. They celebrated communion together during a reconciliation service. Damaged relationships were restored. This lays a foundation for real renewal. Not cheap, not superficial, but with depth and compassion.
Let’s be kind to each other, accept each other, deal wisely with changes, and understand if people make a different choice and look for another ‘home.’ Church pain is a sickness that, thankfully, can be prevented, but if found, it can also be healed with love.
@wimvanputten